Saurons Lawsuit
by Calencristiel
Summary: Sauron desides to sue the fellowship of the ring for stealing his ring!
1. Saurons evil plan

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in my story they are owned by Tolkein or who ever created them.  
  
Sauron was very bored. That annoying little halfing had destroyed his ring. He now had to live in a teeny volcano with only five orcs. He hated these orcs. Only one, Joe Bob was very orc-like.  
  
Ken the orc: NO! I think pink fluffy bunnies are better!  
  
Sam the orc: NO! ORANGE fluffy bunnies have that 'im sooooooo cuddly look!'  
  
Ned the orc: I think blue sets out a very nice image of sea and sky!  
  
Harry Larry Barry the orc: Well purple bunnies are very purty!  
  
Sauron: *Smacking his head on a wall*  
  
You see Sauron the evil had to deal with four very nice orcs.  
  
Joe Bob: Whats the matter your evil highness?  
  
Sauron: *with bright red forehead* I want to do something eviiillll!  
  
Joe Bob: Hmmm.... How about... changing all the sugar shakers in the world to salt ones!  
  
Sauron: Noooo... we did that last weekkk..  
  
Joe Bob: Hmm... Bombs?  
  
Sauron: No. remember we live in medieval times..  
  
Joe Bob: oh ya... we do.  
  
Sauron: I GOT IT! I COULD MAKE AN EVIL RING AND CONQUER MIDDLE EARTH!  
  
Joe Bob: Uhh. we tried that sir.  
  
Sauron: Oh yes that's right.  
  
Joe Bob: I GOT IT SIR! We can sue!!!!!!!  
  
Sauron: SUE! OOOHHH! BUT WHO! *Giggles* hey that rhythms! I'm a poet and I didn't even know it!  
  
Joe Bob: *ingnoring the fact that his master just giggled* We need a lawyer! How bout.. Ned! He seems smarter then the other three.  
  
In fact Ned was. He went to college.  
  
Joe Bob: *going up to Ned with Sauron behind him* NED! We want you to be a lawyer!  
  
Ned: *shrug* ok  
  
Sauron: YAHH IM GOING TO SUE SOMEONE IM GOING TO SUE SOMEONE!  
  
Joe Bob: YAHHHHHH!  
  
Ned: Who ya gonna sue?  
  
Joe Bob & Sauron: .  
  
Sauron: Who we going to sue Joe Bob?  
  
Joe Bob: .  
  
Sauron: You idiot! *smacks him over the head*  
  
Joe Bob: OW! I GOT IT!  
  
Ned: Thoughts hurt your brain?  
  
Joe Bob: *glare* No! We shall sue. THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING!  
  
*Dramatic Music in the backround*  
  
  
  
Well that's it! Hope you like! PLEASE REVIEW! Thank ya kindly! lol 


	2. The fellowship is summoned

Disclaimer: I don't own any thing in my story!  
  
Ok this chapter is when the Fellowship finds out they are being sued!  
  
-IN MIRKWOOD-  
  
Legolas and his dear friend Kyle the elf were hunting.  
  
Legolas: Its such a wooooonnnnnddderrrrfullll day!  
  
Suddenly an arrow comes out of nowhere and hits poor Kyle.  
  
Kyle: Message for you sir!  
  
Legolas: Thanks brave Kyle! *begins to read out Loud* Le-Legolas OH THAT'S ME! Legolas, you ar-ar-are being suisid  
  
Kyle: Sound it out sir.  
  
Legolas: SUED! SUED! Please come to court in Rivendell ASAP!  
  
Legolas: Do not worry brave Kyle! Your death shall not be in vain!  
  
Kyle: I'm not dying.I feel quite well.  
  
Legolas: NO! Don't try to talk! I will get you help on the way to my trial! Good bye!  
  
(A/N Ok enough of Monty Python)  
  
-In Gondor-  
  
Aragorn: NO ARWEN! WE ARE NOT I REAPEAT NOT PAINTING THE CASTLE PINK!  
  
Arwen: But ARAGORN! It would look soooooo pretty!  
  
Aragorn: NO!  
  
*Servant walks in*  
  
Tommy the servant: I am sorry to interrupt your highness and your highness. but it seems you are being sued!  
  
Aragorn: WHAT! I ALREADY ADMITTED THAT I DIDN'T INVENT BACON!  
  
Tommy: Umm. your majesty. I don't really know what you talking about.  
  
Aragorn: Um. yes. I must of imagined it.  
  
Tommy: Right.. Well the dark lord Sauron is suing you and you have to go to the court in Rivendell tommorow.  
  
Aragorn: All right. *sees plotting look on Arwens face* AND NO PAINTING THE CASTLE PINK WHILE IM GONE! *Storms out of throne room*  
  
Arwen: He said not to paint it pink. theres still ORANGE! MUHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
-In the shire-  
  
*Sam is cooking*  
  
Sam: AND YOUUU! LIGHT UP MY LIFFFEEEE!  
  
*Pippin and Merry walk in*  
  
Merry: (trying not to laugh) *cough* hi *cough* Sam  
  
Sam: Oh hi umm what do you want?  
  
Pippin: *falling over laughing* Were being *laugh* sued!  
  
Sam: WHAT? Why?  
  
Merry: Dunno but we gotta go to Rivendell tommorow.  
  
Sam: Well this sucks!  
  
  
  
-The lonely mountain-  
  
Gimli: GOLD! Must have it! We wants it. my precious.  
  
Paul the dwarf: Gim that's kinda scary.  
  
Gimli: Oh sorry. I just like gold. And tv. And gold. And Food. And Bacon. And Gold. And.  
  
Paul: *Interrupting* Well that's all very nice. Your being sued and you have to go to court tommorow. In Rivendell.  
  
Gimli: Well ok. They have food there. And gold. And food. And Bacon. And-  
  
-Far far away from middle earth-  
  
Anakin: NOOO! THEY TOOK AWAY MY SPARKLY BLUE LIGHT SABER!  
  
Oh..um... sorry don't know where that came from.  
  
-Somewhere else far far away from middle earth-  
  
Frodo: *to himself* Im so glad we left middle earth! Here there are no evil people telling you what to do!  
  
Gandalf: FRODO! GET OFF YOUR BUTT! We have to go back to middle earth and get sued! COME ON!  
  
Frodo: *sob*  
  
Well that's all of them! Please Review! Hope you liked! 


	3. The trial begins

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in my story? PLEASE DON'T SUE ME! *Sob*  
  
The fellowship has a heartfelt reunion in Rivendell before there trial.  
  
Aragorn: Well hi.  
  
All: hi  
  
Gandalf: Well no one say anything stupid.  
  
Then the trial began. They agreed on Celebron to be the judge.  
  
Celeborn: ORDER ORDER!  
  
Pippin: I would like two large fries one milkshake one-  
  
Celeborn: SHHH!  
  
Celeborn: Now. Sauron the evil is suing The Fellowship of the ring for the stealing and destroying of one evil ring worth one million dollars. What is the defense's counter claim?  
  
Gandalf: Well we-  
  
Celeborn: ORDER! SHUT UP PERIGIN! You need a lawyer for the Fellowship.  
  
Pippin: *pouty look*  
  
Gandalf: But I was..  
  
Celeborn: You need someone outside of the fellowship to be lawyer!  
  
Gandalf: *pouty look*  
  
Suddenly the door is thrown open and Judge Judy -like music comes on  
  
All: *gasp*  
  
Frodo: can it be.  
  
Bilbo: YES! IT IS I! MUHAHA!  
  
Merry: Oh crap.  
  
Bilbo: I will be your lawyer!  
  
Celeborn: That's all very nice! What is the fellowship's counter claim!  
  
Bilbo: Their excuse is that the council made them do it.  
  
Celeborn: That's it?  
  
Bilbo: Yah duh dude! That's why I said that! Good golly gosh!  
  
Celeborn: Ned! Call your first witness to the stand!  
  
Ned: I call Tommie the orc to the stand!  
  
Tommie: ok  
  
Ned: Please answer a few questions for me.  
  
Tommie: This reminds me of this one time. this person was like. "Please answer a few questions for me." And I was like "k."  
  
Ned: O..k.. Anyway, you were at the battle in which that Aragorn fellow distracted you and the army for the 'Ring bearer' as they call him, destroyed the ring. How does that make you feel?  
  
Tommie: Not good?  
  
Ned: *passes ten dollars over the stand*  
  
Tommie: IT WAS TERRIBLE! *sob*  
  
Gandalf: DID U SEE THAT YOUR HONOR!  
  
Celeborn: *staring out into space* hmm. what?  
  
Gandalf: URRR!  
  
Ned: Please step down Tommie. And don't worry. we all feel your pain *tear*  
  
Aragorn: *snort*  
  
Celeborn: Bilbo! Call your first witness!  
  
Merry: Who's are first witness?  
  
Bilbo: *shrug*  
  
Celeborn: .ok. Ned call your second witness.  
  
Ned: I call. ELROND OF RIVENDELL TO THE STAND!  
  
  
  
I hope u liked! Im to tired to go on but I will write more later! Please review! 


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